Just need to get some things off my chest

[greatplns]

First of all, I realize I'm not well known on here, although I read this forum daily, I usually don't have much to say.

I met some of you at Ouray, but again, didn't get to spend as much time with you as I wanted to. Maybe next year.

Now to the reason for my post. I'm a pretty private guy, and don't share very easily, but lately a couple things have come together that are just bothering me and I just need to get them off my chest.

My oldest son joined the Army when he was 18. First in the infantry, then accepted as a sniper, and finally was accepted and completed special forces training as a medic in 2004. In 2012 his unit was hit by an IED and 4 people of the 12 man team didn't make it. My son survived, but was badly injured. He was medically retired in 2016 after 17 surgeries. Of course we knew he was injured, of course we knew he had the surgeries, but there is a lot we didn't know until a couple weeks ago.

We were told he was unconscious until he woke up in a hospital in Germany. As it turns out, he was not. He was the medic in the unit and even though he suffered two dislocated shoulders, two torn biceps, 5 ruptured vertebrae, massive facial trauma he still somehow was able to do his job as a medic and save 3 of his team mates. He wasn't able to save the 4 that didn't make it. I guess this bothered him bad enough it was just easier to tell us he woke up in a hospital in Germany than explain what happened. He was submitted for the medal of honor by his unit, but did not receive that award, he was instead awarded the bronze star with "V" emblem and purple heart.

Today, one of my employees called me in tears. He also is an Army veteran. His closest Army friend committed suicide this morning. He called wanting to know if he could have time off for the funeral. I thought that was strange to ask for time off...who would tell him no? We bought his plane ticket for him, got him to the airport, got his hotel room while in Maryland. How could we not?

What's going on? Why are our young veterans committing suicide? Survive a war to take your own life? That just doesn't make any sense to me. What am I missing? Why couldn't my own son tell me what really happened for almost 4 years? Is he adapting to normal life or do I have to worry about him too?

If you would all just do me a favor? If you happen to come across a military man, woman, active duty, veteran, whatever, please let them know you appreciate them. Pick up the tab for them if you see them at a restaurant. Just let them know they're not alone. It may be my son, but certainly it's some ones son or daughter and it just may make a difference.

And if you're really inclined, check out a charity called 22kill.com. They are a veteran anti suicide group founded and run by veterans. I've donated to this group before the real risk to our young service men and women hit so close to home.

Thank you for giving me the space to get this out. I really appreciate it, and if this is not the correct place for this, I apologize.

Garey

[bigun]

First Thank your son for his service. I'm just guessing your son didn't want to be told how great he was just for doing what he considered as the job he was trained for. While I haven't served I have read a lot and listened to a lot of the veterans from my generations war Viet Nam all, most of them ever wanted was to be told thank you for doing what was asked of you.
My niece and her now husband were caught by an IED in Iraq she was the driver and he the gunner on their truck, she now suffers from short term memory loss and some hearing, and PTSD.She has been discharged with 50% disability IIRC.

Vaya Con Dios for the family and friends of the young man who felt he had no way out except death.




I don't know if you were ever on the mother site, but late night confessions, rants and raves used to be the norm. We are a big dysfunctional family brought together by a rolling hunk of metal, rubber and plastic that the last one rolled of the assembly line in 1991 again IIRC

[Tatsadasayago]

Thanks to your son for his service and for you raising a man.
As a combat veteran I can tell you that most of us have a hard time talking about the bad stuff with those who haven't been there. It's like an exclusive club where you have to have seen the elephant in order to understand.
The real tough nut coming back from the fight is the feeling of utter ALONE among the 'regular people'. There is no bond of trust stronger than that between warriors in battle and often when we are apart from our brothers it feels like the umbilical has been cut leaving one not only empty inside, but a complete lack of feelings most of the time.

Your son likely felt survivor's guilt and probably thinks he could have done more...even though it sounds like he did much more. That breeds anger from way down that is primal in nature and sadly many people just can't sort it out and lose the desire to live. In their minds it's easier to just end it than to struggle against the feelings and that is the tragedy of it.

I wish there was a quick fix for minds wounded by war...but there is a long term repair process that involves love, patience, understanding and grace.
As far as myself, the dreams and moments of rage, sadness and guilt have never lessened but I have learned to deal with it. A rescue Lab/Rottie named Hooch helped me through many of the rough days early on. Dogs just seem to KNOW and are a great comfort when the ghosts pay a visit.

De Opresso Liber!

Jim
3/160 SOAR

[Stuka]

It is troubling that this seems to be happening as often as it is. I was out of the service before the war started, but many I went in with went, some did not make it. Adapting back to civilian life in general takes some work. Doing so after a war, I can only imagine is far, far more difficult.

I totally agree that it is extremely important to tell veterans just how important they are, and that the sacrifices that they have all made were not in vain.

Oh, and your post is fine to be here Glad you felt comfortable enough to post it.

[motcat]

Jim - Thank you for your service protecting our freedoms.

Garey - Thank you for your son's service and your sacrifices as a father. I always try to thank our service men and women when I see them and I can tell you with 100% honesty that in each case I fight back a tear and try to keep my voice strong and not waver because I am very patriotic and love my country.

My father served in WW2, I asked many times, but he would never talk about it when I was a kid or as an adult. I now understand why, because of what Jim has stated, thank you.

It's such a loss that so many of our active duty soldiers and veterans take their own lives. I have a unique perspective on suicide that I won't go into, but so many times the reason people commit suicide is to stop the pain they feel, when nothing else they tried has worked.

Thank you to all the men and women on this forum and else ware that have served our country. I am forever indebted to every one of you.

:JR

[greatplns]

Thank you all for the kind words. I also am a veteran, but not a combat veteran.

Jim, thank you so much for your service and especially for putting into words that I understand better than any I've ever heard or read. "When the ghosts pay a visit" I understand that. Thank you.

We'll get through this one day at a time and hopefully with time the mental wounds heal a little at a time. Again, I feel much better just getting this out there that we're not alone.

Garey

[Tanker]

Part of what he can be having problem with is accepted with family or to be life. I lost my blank how do I live with that problem. As a major amputate with skin grafts my problem was as a mechanic how do I work on cars. Will my family accept my disfigurement. Dealing with PTSD an lose of arm make it fun for my wife as well. I have dealt with vets an others on this. Now about me quickly army out early due to medical,ran repos in FL been in several shootings. Left arm an skin grafts due to wood chipper back in 97. If your son is married with kids that makes even harder. Young kids may think it great that dads a cyborg now. If not married then he has the how do I have a family problem. Remember its easy for you to accept his problem on that issue then you.
Remember its up to him not you to accept life,its easy for you because you dont have the problem,you have a family a life,job he doen't. Your older he being younger has longer to live. Remember also to have an lose is harder then not having at all. Born without an arm is easier then born with then 20 years later loosing it. Like me. Sorry on the rant an being hard. Need anything let me know. See sig An most vets wont talk about over there due to the lose of life,friends. How do you explain to a person that you tried to put Bob back together but can't find the pieces. Or Bob just disaperd when the rounds started coming in.
Some of what your sons going though.
Like I said sorry on the rant an being truthful. If need anything let me or Halftrac know.

[candymancan]

I served in Iraq two tours infantry when the war was in full heat.. I saw alot of bad things... really bad things.. But they didnt really phase me. I dont cry or think about them and ive moved on with my life.. Im only 30 yesrs old and ive been thinking of going back in...

My brother is much younger only 22. Hes armored infantry and he was in kuwait and iraq last year and hes going back to iraq in nov.. He saw little combat but he isnt phased by whatever he saw either.. same brother as hes always been...


I dont want to offend anyone when i say this but i will tell you it takes a strong mind and thick skin to not be bothered like me and my brother... I had issues with thinming of suicide as a kid when i was physically like beatin and mentally abused for 7 years by a step dad.. I also lost my dad to cancer when i was 12. He was a 22 year army veteran of the first gulf war and was in during veitnam.. I also got teased and made fun of in school as a kid for all of middle school and high school.. So i think i just gained a thick thick skin as a kid and into adulthood.. I think the reason so many veterans take their lives or have mental issues after is because my generation was raised as a bunch of cry babies and had everything handed to them on a gold platter. Millenials are known to be thin skinned and take everything so serious and personal.


Thats just my opinion.. not saying you son. Is thin skinned.. But generally thats my concensous on it. What we see today is like drinking tea and eating cake vs 50- 70s years ago.

There is no real hardcore hamburger hill d day. Or korean and veitnam war combat and never was in 2005-2006 when i was in.. Only special forces really see that. Its most bombs being dropped and shooying from a distance.. Minus the IEDS and door to door patrols we did in the streets.. My biggest fear was being blown up in those peice of BEEP Humvees we rode in

Being a combat veteran and in the infantry in 05-06 as an 18-20 year old kid this is my proffesional opinion. I thankfukly never had any big injuries except my ankle.. So i cant vouche for the ones who lost limbs and stuff..

[greatplns]

Like I said in my heading, I just wanted to get some things off my chest. Kinda like talking out loud to yourself, not really expecting any responses. I didn't say my son had any mental issues with being in war, only that he was special forces so he did see the worst of the worst and that yes he was blown up in a POS Humvee.
My comments were more directed at the high suicide rate among veterans, and that I would like to and do contribute to charities that help them deal with their issues whether they would be labeled thin skinned or not is not my decision to make. They served this country and now have problems and I feel it's my obligation as an American who has benefitted from their sacrifice to help where I can. I didn't judge anyone, just wanted to bring attention to it.

[candymancan]

Yea i was talking about the veterans in general

[Tanker]

That why as a amputate I try to help.

[letank]

He was the medic in the unit and even though he suffered two dislocated shoulders, two torn biceps, 5 ruptured vertebrae, massive facial trauma he still somehow was able to do his job as a medic and save 3 of his team mates.

Your Son is a Hero

.

[Gumby]

To all the vets and the families and supporters of them/ us, I thank you all. MY opinion on the skyrocketing rate of suicides of us is something that is discussed only in back rooms of the places that should be helping us. The VA is really the first and last area of support. They really do not have the ability to combat the rate. They care about the number of patients that pass through their doors each day. Most vets get seen and given a garage of medications that cause more harm than good. My saving grace has been my family. Keep an eye on the young vets, they really never had any idea what war really was or is until they experience it personally. The mind is a precious and precarious piece of matter. I wish I knew how to reduce the rate all I know is my dog, family and my outlet (jeep) has really kept me here. I have friends that could not adjust and they have taken their own lives. This was done and no one knew they were at risk. Sorry about the rant but the bottom line is just get to know these young men and women. But p l ease do not push help on them, once they trust you they will let you in, then you have a better opportunity to help.... if not save them.

[REDONE]

Well put Gumby!

[DustinLangston]

I read your original post the day you posted it and my heart went out to you. But me not coming from a military family or having served myself I didn't feel that I could/should respond. But as I continue to read this thread, I have felt that I needed to say something, as the solution to this problem can also save our society from a lot of other current issues.
I personally feel that the rise of suicides in our returned military personnel is from lack of relationships within society when they return home. Social media would have you believe that we are all now attached to each other at all times. But these are superficial connections, really we are lacking deep connection to others.
War is hell, and there is no preparing a mind to endure these things before they happen. But after it is over, and these heroes return home. They should return to open arms and a truly caring family. It all comes down to family relationships. If we have strong family relationships then we have a strong foundation to support us. Now I don't want people getting the wrong idea here and have you thinking that a standard nuclear Christian family is what I'm talking about. I mean a strong support group that you feel at home with, or comfortable with. This can be a group of close friends, hell even this forum could be considered a family. These families need to be aware of the needs of these veterans and constantly be helping them integrate back into civilian life. I'm not talking about sending a text, or an instant message every once in a while, but truly developing relationships with these brothers and sisters. Go hang out, introduce them to new potential hobbies, other people etc.
The more you keep your mind off the awfulness of your memories, the more hobbies you have, or people you know and love, the more you have to live for and the more you can look forward to the future.
I also believe this is the antidote for the majority of our current societal problems. Mass shootings, drug abuse, metal illnesses. Radical inclusion could help with it all. I don't care who you are, or where/what you've come from. I will hang out with you and do it with a smile on my face. No matter who you are in this world you have something to offer. You know something that no one else knows.
I have had some of the best conversations of my life with random strangers. And even if a long lasting relationship wasn't developed from that conversation, I still walk away a better person from having had that conversation. I take away a new perspective, or a new life lesson that I would have never learned if I had just put my earphones in and ignored all the people around me. We truly have the opportunity to live an incredibly lonely life. Ignoring everything and everyone around us. But if we truly look around and participate in life, it can be an incredibly beautiful life.

[Tatsadasayago]

deleted

[Tatsadasayago]

Do us a favor and watch the video. It sums things up better than I can.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkWwZ9ZtPEI

NSDQ!

[tedlovesjeeps71]

I don't have much to add to this conversation that hasn't already been said, far better than I ever could. My career started in 1990 and has continued in a variety of of forms (active, NG, active again,currently Res.) Going on 19 +years now.
We all have stories, some far more amazing, scary, or disturbing than others. But such is life.
I am concerned at the recent focus turned upon veteran suicide. Every brother or sister we lose from it is a tragedy. But I urge everyone, please view it through the proper lens and not one which is becoming a political tool. I mean no disrespect and will do anything with the meager means I possess to help my brothers and sisters. But I believe it is prudent of us to be cautious in the approach to the sudden spotlight being aimed at veterans taking their own life. It's a critical and usually preventable tragedy. Most guys I know carry some sort of baggage and all deal with it in different ways. The only factor that seems to be common is none of them want pity. They deserve respect and help if needed.
For any of you guys... or your veteran offspring, I leave a standing invitation. If you need someone to hang out with, feel like a non judgemental ear to chew would help, happen to be in CO and want to have a wingman for a trailride... let me know. If nothing else, I'll buy ya a beer as you pass through.

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